JOHNNY It is third down now and there's the snap. Jezebel rears her head and with her there's the false prophet move around the outside end with the forces of evil worshipping her image. Oh no! Some of our guys have been cast into a lake of fire burning, that brimstone must hurt. But wait! The middle linebacker for the forces of good slays to Arab terrorist with his sword as he sits upon his horse. And the sword proceeded out of his mouth. Alright! We held the line. It's fourth down with four yards to go and the Anti-Christ calls for a time out on the field. Wait a minute what's happening? Over the field a flock of ravens are circling, there bellies filled with human flesh.

DUTCH What was that?

JESUS Their side, Dutch. Looks like its going to take everything were made of.

DUTCH Just tell me what to do.

JESUS Dutch, you have been chosen to share the command.

DUTCH I'm honored, sir!

JESUS Here's the football. You know the drill, stand by for orders from on high. I'll handle the ground forces: the cavalry, Protestant tanks, and infantry of angels. I'll send you a squad of cherubs as bodyguards.

DUTCH Sure wish I could ride with you. I'm pretty good with a horse, you know.

JESUS Dutch, listen to me. Its important we stop their side from sending reinforcements to the Lake of Fire. Promise me that!

DUTCH Yes sir!

JESUS We need a little more time to get our 'star wars' defense into orbit.

DUTCH You have my word, Jesus, sir!

JOHNNY Suddenly a light shines down from heaven on Dutch and a chorus of angels is heard singing from on high. Angelic music is heard. Something special is happening to Dutch, and he knows it.

JESUS I hear a great voice in heaven saying “Alleluia.” Salvation and glory and honor and power unto you Dutch! You are being touched by the hand of my father. Blessed you now be in the eyes of God in Heaven, the one, the only, Almighty and omnipresent. Now you can do no wrong. You are now Saint Dutch. A line from the Halleluia chorus is heard briefly “Halleluia!” Congratulations.

JOHNNY The light vanishes and the angel singing fades. Dutch is different. He walks, talks, and acts differently. A warm glowing halo appears and follows Dutch.

DUTCH (They shake hands) It's a real honor, sir.

JESUS You're really spit and polish, Dutch. The 'football' is in your hands now.

JESUS & DUTCH God Bless America.

JOHNNY Jesus vanishes. Dutch is left alone holding the briefcase. He opens it and takes out the missile codes and the red phone.

DUTCH (on phone) Security vocal initialized. Launch code ten number sequence to commence now. 1-900-BE3747......R2D2 ...... 03011955C3PO .......8675309ee9......Launch sequence.

JOHNNY Well, it looks like things will get rolling now--victory for the good guys is assured. Wait a minute, Dutch is going to the microphone. This is possibly a public statement.

APPLAUSE SIGN FLASHES then QUIET SIGN

DUTCH Welcome back sports fans to memorial stadium for what is becoming the clash of the titans. Let's get back to the action now. It's forth down and inches to go. Well, it looks like this could be it, folks. Eternity will be decided by this next play. The forces of good are down by five points, and a touchdown would put good over evil and into the big book. There's the snap. Quarterback Jesus is looking for a receiver, no he fakes a hand off to John Wayne the divine and its a double reverse to the Gipper! What a brilliant move! The infantry of angles is clearing a wide path led by a rehabilitated and raging GONZO! The "condition red play!" Their team doesn't know what happened to them! Look at Gipper's stiff arm Attilla the Hun and the hell dragon! The Gipper is hugging the ball as a squad of medieval devils try to rip it from his steel grip. He’s is getting a little blocking help from Teddy Roosevelt. Bully! Oh no, Lucifer himself, the evil offensive line coach has entered the field grown to one hundred stories tall! Where's the referee! Illegal procedure! But wait! It looks like a hand coming down from heaven! I never thought I would see the day! The hand of God has taken hold of the Gipper!

APPLAUSE & CHEER SIGN FLASHES

Sound of lasers and sci-fi video games.

DUTCH watches with amazement. Suddenly a large orange cloud is billowing over the field and devouring the enemy! I've never seen anything like it! The cloud clears and the Gipper has broken through!! What a game! He's on the other side! It's a touchdown! The forces of good won! WE WON!!! WE WON!!!! I don't believe it. WE WON!

CHEERLEADERS enter.

CHEERLEADERS V. I. C. V. I. C. T. O. R. Y. V. I. C. V. I. C. T. O. R. Y.

The CHEERLEADERS jump and clap and gather around Dutch at the microphone.

 

The point is we have always been a Yahoo Nation: big and loud, arrogant and spoiled. He who shouts the loudest and has the most toys wins. Riccio celebrates that uniquely American ideology with cautioning that the fragments that make us also keep us from being truly united.

Riccio has put together a fine cast and has staged the show to be a multimedia presentation with audience participation. In his director’s notes Riccio says “Yahoo Nation” is a big topic to wrestle, just like our beloved country. I would add that “Yahoo Nation” is also smart, occasionally uneven, and a little full of itself and well worth the price of admission.

Fairbanks Daily News-Miner